Don't Take Pictures of Bearded Men

Trying to catch a picture of two bearded men having a legitimate meeting in an office is probably as easy as trying to take a picture of two zebras stopping for a drink at a watering hole. I don't really know why I was trying to do this. I think the attempt was to create some sort of quirky post on Facebook in order to illicit laughter, conversation, and likes.

I work at a huge company. Like very huge and very important. Except, I work in customer service and everyone who does not work in the customer service part of this huge company does something creative. On any given day there will be a writer, model, or photographer walking past my desk. Well, this particular bearded man is very attractive. He is one of the people who walks past my desk at least five times a week and all I can think is, "he needs to cut that beard." Now mind you, my last boyfriend had a beard, so I don't discriminate, but my ex's beard was of a normal, average length. With this guy, I can't help but think every time I see him that there must be food of lunches past still haunting it.

Again, he is very attractive and the other day I saw him with another attractive man with a long beard having what looked like a meeting. What are the odds that these two met at our workplace and had important things to talk about? Were they talking about beard competitions? Were they discussing their latest post on our prestigious newspaper site? I don't know, but I very un-tactfully tried to take a picture from a safe distance. I was caught. They stopped their conversation mid-sentence, turned, and stared right at me. 

I walked down the hall in a direction that allowed me no exit and called my mom. My mom was probably wondering why on God's green earth I would ever call her since most days I rush her off the phone. But she saved me, I was able to turn back around looking like I had a legitimate reason to be coming back. Looking like I also had important meetings to attend and calls to take. At least this is what I imagine is the case.

The moral of the story is that men with really long beards should only be seen in natural habitats. Say, perhaps, an absinthe bar on Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Or maybe writing in their moleskine journals in the park on a bench on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Never should they be seen at work. Especially if the office where they work also houses a famous Republican news source in the same building. These bearded men don't wear suits, they wear plaid, and they have deadlines, dammit. Important deadlines. It's just a shame I couldn't get a picture.

Ugly Guys Need not Apply (Or: I'm SO Fabulous)

I just watched the first episode of season one of Catfish. For those who have never seen the show, it's about people who have had an online relationship with someone they've never met in person.

The girl in this episode, Sunny, thinks she's really in love with the model RJ King. I was aghast. I didn't watch the whole thing and it's because I just couldn't take it anymore.

I kind of felt bad for Sunny. But there's something so self-centered that I just can't get past it. What is the likelihood of a famous, wealthy person falling in love with some average girl over the internet?

What makes a girl like this so naive and convinced that this could happen to her? I'll bet he meets hundreds of women a day: models, actresses, stylists, personal trainers, and even normal girls. Would he really go online to find a woman? 

What made her feel that she really stood out enough to get the attention of this model? He's been in magazines, worked for huge brands, and traveled to places she's probably only dreamed of seeing (or never even heard of before).

Social media may actually bring us together in a way, but it also brings out some of our worst qualities. Narcissism has been cited heavily, but this type of behavior is probably also a side effect. Personally, I can barely tell whether a guy I went out with after meeting on a dating site likes me. Forget about believing that I'm actually dating a model. 

5 Moments That Make You Feel Like a New Yorker

Whether you've lived in NYC your whole life or you have been here for just a few years, here are 5 moments that will instantly make you feel like a New Yorker.

1. Almost getting hit by a car: My moment occurred in Brooklyn. I had right of way, a pizza delivery car turned down the street and almost hit me. He was on his phone and had a Russian accent. I for the first time shamelessly swore at someone with every bad word I could think of while kicking his car...and it came naturally.
2. Yelling out of a window for some reason: Maybe this is a Brooklyn thing, but when it's three in the morning and some idiot is standing outside your window and being loud for no reason, it's time to take matters into your own hands. Open the window and yell to your heart's content.
3. Getting stuck in the doors of a train as they close: Everyone hates when this happens, but you're truly a New Yorker when you're the one it's happening to. I for one and am not waiting 15 more minutes for another D train to come.
4. Eating an egg and cheese on a hard roll: Yours might also have bacon or sausage or both. But you got it on the corner deli (bodega) and it's probably accompanied by a coffee that has more sugar and cream in it than actual coffee.
5. Seeing a person you wish you could date: There's always that moment whether it's after you've been out drinking with your friends all night or you're on your way home from Whole Foods, that you see the person who looks like "The One." And usually, that person is across the platform going in the opposite direction from you.